Swapna Sundari
Bangalore
a) Epistemology
You were Nature first
and then the influence of my mother
You whispered sweet nothings in my ear
and every time you made me your channel
it was nothing but girl; all woman power
I realized the pattern was not created by me
The third time you wore the face of death(10)
but then I searched for you anxiously in face after face
Each face holding a piece of
the puzzle
But never matching or making
the whole
Only hints and clues and life
no Holmes
Or Watson but the search goes
on in the bones and marrow
In the blood and joints and
in the subterranean fields unborn
Found three or four almost matching
or five, six or seven -
Each time the fix was not yet the right mix
When you are an addict you keep playing with the doses
trying, against all hope, to get hold of the purest
b) Second coming.
Bangalore was the place for
hardcore junkies like me
I almost found you in it. My veins were easy to find.
I did not need a rubber to make them stand out, unlike Jeet
The stuff went in through my eyes and I od'd
Chemical romance gives rise to beautiful visions
I had Renaissance on my mind
in those days
Dante, Florence, Italy, Milan, Naples, gondolas, Venice, Beatrice
Rome? - it could not hold a candle to your nipples
outlined against the thin fabric of your striped shirt
You were young and stylish then and no film star could match
you, in your new avatar
the you from whom I stole nothing
except two kisses
but on a beach in Libya
I had to write your swan song
after staying away from you in Jeddah
Marriage took you away
or was it just that you grew old
mature and suddenly realized
poems and people are not telephone calls
You did not die, you always
returned
in the advancing nights
as someone else, being sought
like those flocks of rain birds
that in formation would fly
across foreign skies
near the beach opposite Malta, across the deep blue Mediterranean
while I grieved for the light of family, friends and missing or dead/dying
muses
stranded, far away from me
In Bangalore - dark and bright.
(10)
Refers to my sister Tina's death. She was seven months old and I ten and I
wrote a lot of poems to get out of the anger I felt at life or God or science
then. She is also referred to in the last line of the section "The first
place."
The Addict -- Rupali Motihar